I've been avoiding writing in the blog - because I haven't got anything to write about... but then I realised that I need to capture that too, because my goal was to keep this journey real. I can't just write about my progress and not balance that with my struggles. I won't learn anything from this to help keep my weight off successfully in the future unless I talk about what challenges me.

I'm not sure what's going on with me. For years I have seemed to self-sabotage my progress as soon as I get positive feedback. For most people I think it would motivate them on, but for me I tend to retreat. Is it a self-esteem issue? I'm not sure.. Do I not really believe in myself, despite the progress I'm making, do I really expect to fail? I guess there are truths in each of those things.

I am so enjoying this body I'm in as I can feel the positive changes happening, I am SO grateful for the support I am receiving from people, the fact they have taken the time to say something positive, to encourage me, to share with me their knowledge, expertise and experience, yet my head is not in the right place this week.

I know what I need to do - I'm a logical person. I need to re-group, re-focus, concentrate on the positives. I know all these things yet there's a block - a resistance that I need to overcome. 

A friend posted this on Facebook tonight and I think it is exactly where I'm at:

So tomorrow's another day - I need to get back in the game.. I can do tis, but I need to believe I can do this!

K

Well couldn't wait for my exercise, had to do a quick update cos I'm excited!!

Weighed myself this morning and am just shy of 12kgs lost - will nail that by next weeks weigh in.. thats 26lbs lost, 26 packets of butter have come off my body woohoo!!!

Thought I'd check my measurements, as I haven't done that for 6 weeks.. 11cms (about 4 inches..??) gone from my hips, 9 off my waist, 11 off my thighs - 39.5 in total from my vital statistics (about 15 inches) It's a great motivator.

Will head out for my exercise soon after the housework, but was so excited I had to share :)

K

A strange thing happened today...

Lately I've been walking, not running. I've missed it and worried that if I didn't run again soon I would have to start again to be able to. So I set out to run again today. I ran for the first 10 minutes and then developed an awful cough. I tried to keep running but something was making me choke, I then walked while I sipped some water and tried to clear my throat but I thought I was going to throw up. I stopped for a but, drank water, blew my nose and thought I was right, walked for a bit more then ran again. I ran for another 10 minutes and then the coughing fit started up again. All up I managed to run for 30 mins, which I am really pleased about, but this awful cough made it difficult to keep going.

I have no idea what that was about?? Even now I can still feel a niggle that makes me want to keep coughing. 

I was really pleased with the way I ran, I had a good stride going, a nice pace and it felt really comfortable. Running feels more satisfying for some reason.. I get a warm burn in my muscles for ages afterwards that makes me think the fats coming off... I haven't weighed myself this week, I don't know why.. I've been good - walked 24 kms last week, all outside and over different terrains, haven't eaten or drunk anything I shouldn't, I am just not curious, which is unlike me. I might force myself to tomorrow, because if things aren't on track I need them to be so better I get on to it sooner rather than later!

K

It was a bit of a weird day weather wise today, but I was determined to get out after yesterdays blah day, so I put on my rain jacket and headed out. I needed my jacket more for the wind as it happened, although black clouds loomed above the whole way round.

I strapped my blister prone foot and am pleased to say it worked this time... except I got a tiny one on the side of my other foot, lol can't win!

I went a new way today and this had 2 reasonable hills - reasonable enough to feel my heart beat and for the back of my thighs to ache.. so a good workout. My body really struggles from being outside, it definitely requires more from it, I am guessing in the long run it will prove to be much more beneficial, as according to map-o-meter I am burning way more calories.

It felt good to get out and complete the workout. I think yesterdays fog has lifted I do feel a bit less down. I got back and weighed in and I'm back to my pre-weekend gain, so between now and Monday it's all loss :)

Thank you for your support and for putting up with me. I hope there aren't too many downs.. unless it's on the scales :P

K

I've been out walking in the sunshine the past couple of days, something I have been urged to do for sometime by my friend Fi, yes you were right, it is nice to get out there.. I'm up to 7kms and in just over an hour. I'm really pleased. I had family here for the weekend, which was lovely, I kept my resolve Saturday, but Sunday I gave in to temptation and I have paid the price with a weight gain on Monday....

Picked myself up from that on Monday and got back into exercise, focussed once again.

Then today arrived.

It's a low day today... I didn't want to get up.. have no motivation, and feel pretty low about everything. Thank goodness for the love of my cats.. George hasn't left my side and wee Hobbie is asleep on my chest as I type. I guess it's just one of those days, but it's also part of this journey - that there will be highs and lows. 

I have to work on my fragile self-esteem, I hear my dad chastising me from heaven.. I've never been good at accepting compliments and one of the only times dad growled me was when I brushed off compliments from others - he said that they had taken the time to bother to come and pay me that compliment and the least I owed them was to acknowledge them appropriately. So this week I received a couple about the hard work I've put in so far and I brushed them off. I'm sorry to those people, I didn't mean to brush you off, they did mean alot, but I am not in a frame of mind where I believe in myself.. maybe it's hormonal.. I'm not sure, but today is a low day..

Tomorrow's another one :)

K

Walking in the sunshine, sing a little sunshine song.. da dah da..

Gorgeous day for an outdoors walk today and Roz and I were on fire, 6.5kms. Neither of us took the time when we left but it was around 10am and I got back in the door at 11.20am so that's a good walk. According to Mapmyroute I burned 442 calories too. On the treadmill yesterday I was going 6km/hr and only managed to burn 312, so that was interesting. Really enjoyed the walk but the only bummer is I got 3 blisters.. 2 aren't too bad and will go away, but one is on the pad of my foot and it's actually really sore, bugger it. Ah well... no pain no gain (or loss) as they say.

Have family staying for the weekend and that's always a challenge to keep strictly to routines etc, but I can only do my best, I'm not going to beat myself up, just stay focussed on the end result. The weight is coming off quite nicely at the moment and I don't want to halt that.

K

Another good day of exercise. I'm developing quite a nice routine now and there's something really satisfying in getting it done and then getting on with the day.

Today I was walking at 5.6km/hr for 5 mins, ran for 5 mins, but then my legs felt the strain of running at that speed 2 days in a row so I opted to walk today and run tomorrow. After 30 mins at that speed I turned it up to 6km/hr and went for it. Got my km's to 10 mins, which I've been aiming to do, so really happy with that.

Ended up completing 5 km's in 52 mins, felt good, now I feel like I'm starting to mean business. I used some hand weights to complete a quick session working on my batwings. 

Weighed myself afterwards and have lost a significant amount from yesterday so that is satisfying!

I saw on Facebook yesterday that a friend from school has lost 25kgs, how awesome is she!! I look forward to getting there myself. I was thinking about it while I was exercising.. where I'd be at 25kgs lost, I'd be just over 1/2 way to where I need to be. I was doing the math and I can't believe I'd weigh in at that, it's been a long time! so as of this morning I've lost 11.3kg (24lb, 14oz) I'd love to go round to the supermarket and pile up 11 blocks of cheese and take a photo, it's surreal to think that much has come off my body. It's still so flabby and yuck that it's clear there is alot more to come off. I'm pleased with the start I've made to this journey, 1/4 down!!

K

Well what a week it's been. Lots of good learning for me about me and my body though.

I exercised really well for the first part of the week, but then had a few stressful things going on that I had to attend to and there just wasn't time to work out, not an excuse, a reality... then we went away for a long weekend as a family. I took my exercise gears - fully with the intention of exercising while I was away, but the reality of being out of your routine kicked in. It's really difficult because I need to exercise for an hour, and then with a shower etc after, its another 30-40 mins and when you have places to go and people to see its difficult to fit it all in. So after day 1 I just accepted it wasn't going to happen and I needed to manage my weight by being careful about what I ate and drunk. I didn't want to be that person that drives everyone else crazy with the "I can't eat that" "I can't drink that" - boring... so I just made sure I made good choices and balanced things, like at the party on Saturday night Paul bought me a glass of bubbles and a long tall schooner of water..

Well it worked because I still lost weight this week - only 200g, but it's a loss and good to know how I can maintain my weight loss once I'm down to my goal weight - have a good time, but exercise a bit more and have some balance and I'll stay where I want to be.

Today's exercise was a mix of walking and running at 5.6km/hr. I walked for 5 mins, ran for 5 mins, alternating. I felt really good that I am now able to do this speed consistently. another week and I'll up it to maybe 6km/hr, as I was doing 5.8 last week, perhaps I'll walk the 6km and run the 5.8... just till I'm doing that comfortably. I did 5km's in 52 mins 47 secs. I'm consistently doing the 10 minute km's now, or just over 10 mins...

I'm really proud of this.. and I'm humbled by all the support I have been getting. There are some very special people in my life who help me get through this.. Thank you xx

K