Had a rest day yesterday, mostly out of necessity... was just busy.. 

Today I was heading off early with my Aunts to visit with my Dads elderly cousin who was 87 today, so I got up at 6am, made birthday cupcakes, then went for a run. Upped the pace quite a bit today and managed to do 3.02kms in 30 mins. I was wrapt with that.

Weighed in this morning and my weight was the same as last week, so a bit disappointing, but at least there's no gain, and I'm not letting it get to me, I'll keep going! I weighed myself after I ran and I'd lost 400g lol, if I can do 400g a day it'll make a difference.

SO onwards and upwards :)

K

Gosh it's nearly 1am Sunday and I meant to post this yesterday (Saturday) but I had such a busy day I just didn't get the chance.

I was determined today to keep up my renewed commitment to my goal, I had so much to do and not enough time, but I put my running clothes on and just got on with things and as soon as I had the cheesecake out of the oven, and the relish bubbling on the stove, I snuck off and had a run. Because I was so pushed for time I could only do 30 mins, but I figured that was better than nothing, and I picked up the pace and ran faster and further than yesterday. I did 2.75km in 30 mins, if you double that its 5.5kms in an hour. So I think I was doing a pretty good pace and I was so pleased I could complete it. I'll be running the full 5kms in no time :)

So I managed to do it 2 days in a row. I feel forward focussed and positive.

Had a wonderful night out for dinner with good friends, and now, as 1am approaches I must go to bed - another really busy day tomorrow!

K

Well I feel like I've finally got my act together again...

I've had several weeks off from it all, I've only gained a kilo, so I guess that's not too bad, and shows I am still making good choices, but it has meant a slow down in my progress and it puts things backwards. I've worked hard to lose these 13 kgs and I decided today to re-commit to my weight loss, because I don't want to undo that hard work. In only 6kgs time I will be down at a weight that I last got to in 2004... I have the chance to be smaller than I have been in a long time. 6kgs.... I can do this! 

I've been trying to assess what distracted me from my goal, and there are a couple of things, firstly my clothes were starting to hang off me - and while that could be a motivator - a measurement of the work being done to take the weight off, it was actually making me feel quite depressed. Having things hang off me made me feel frumpy and dowdy and I was struggling to want to go out, get dressed etc. I have gone and bought pants that fit now and that has definitely helped, and I've been through my wardrobe to identify things that fit and flatter, so some progress. Tomorrow when the shops open I am going to get new pyjamas, because that's now the thing that gets to me, I guess because I'm naked under them, and the weight loss is making me look weird naked... the distribution of the flab isn't even, so it's not very attractive.. add pyjamas that are literally hanging off me and it makes me feel horrid. So new pyjamas it is, ones that fit. I'm confident this will help. Secondly, it's my lack of confidence in my ability, I have a psychological issue to get through.. I don't fully understand it, but I expect to fail, I don't believe in myself, I'm my own worst enemy, and it's ME I have to fight and overcome. But it's ME this is all for, so I'm only damaging myself if I don't sort it. My rational self understands it, but it's the underlying me I have to deal with!

I got back into my exercise today, and even now, 3 or so hours later, my muscles are still warm and tingly so I know I did them good. I ran 2.5kms solid without stopping, in 20 mins. I'm quite pleased with that given the lack of exercise in the past few weeks. I didn't stop there though, I picked up the pace and then walked fast for another 40 mins, completing 5kms in under an hour. SO now I need to commit to doing it again tomorrow, because then I'll know I'm back on track.

I know I've probably disappointed a few of my supporters in the past couple of weeks, but it was a psychological block I needed to work through. I'm not sure I've conquered it, I'm not sure I fully understand it, but today I showed I haven't given up... and I am sorry if I've let anyone down... You've all been so good to me, I couldn't do this without you :)

Another week has passed and I still am not doing the exercise I should be, currently there aren't enough hours in my day...

I have avoided the scales, expecting I will have put on heaps of weight, but today I was curious how much damage I'd done... so on I hopped, and I've lost another kilo... not sure how that happened, but I guess I have still been watching what I eat and drink so that has pulled me through.

I'm not naive enough to think I can get away with that for much longer, so I need to make a plan to get the exercise back on track. The next few weeks are going to be madness but I'll have to plan my days to cope with my increased workload so I just have to make sure I build exercise into that - it'll be the stress relief I'm going to need I think!

K

Ok well I must confess I have once again been procrastinating in regards to writing this blog. I so don't want to let down my supporters...

I am still struggling to get my mojo back, I can't get into any type of routine I have not been exercising as much as I should have. It's a mind problem. It's all in my head and I don't know how to shake it. I'm struggling...

It's not all bad news though. Last week was my birthday and I did celebrate it, I had cake and high tea, had friends round and drank wine (and whisky) and it was wonderful. 

Then on Sunday I went with my daughter and our lovely friends and did the 5km Colour Run. It was such a good day out in Wellington, I thoroughly enjoyed myself, I loved every bit of it, we laughed and danced and just had a good time. On a personal level it achieved a goal for me - the first official event I have ever done. I felt like I could have done it again too, and there's no way I would have said that 13 weeks ago! 

I braced myself for the weigh in (no exercise except the Clour Run and birthday celebrations) but I had only put on a few hundred grams. So I decided that tomorrow is another day, I'd get back on board the bus and start again.. but I haven't. It's true this week has been complete madness, I have been so busy, but in truth I could have made more of an effort to get exercising.. I just didn't.

Well today I have signed up for another event - a 5km Mother/daughter funrun/walk. It's in May, so I'm hoping it will spur me on to get back into it since I have another goal to achieve.

Wish me luck.. you know this has happened everytime I have had weight loss success - as soon as I get to the 10kg loss I seem to self-sabotage. If any of you reading this have any psychological expertise as to what might be going on I'd welcome your thoughts, I'm blowed if I know what it is..

K