Well I feel like I've finally got my act together again...

I've had several weeks off from it all, I've only gained a kilo, so I guess that's not too bad, and shows I am still making good choices, but it has meant a slow down in my progress and it puts things backwards. I've worked hard to lose these 13 kgs and I decided today to re-commit to my weight loss, because I don't want to undo that hard work. In only 6kgs time I will be down at a weight that I last got to in 2004... I have the chance to be smaller than I have been in a long time. 6kgs.... I can do this! 

I've been trying to assess what distracted me from my goal, and there are a couple of things, firstly my clothes were starting to hang off me - and while that could be a motivator - a measurement of the work being done to take the weight off, it was actually making me feel quite depressed. Having things hang off me made me feel frumpy and dowdy and I was struggling to want to go out, get dressed etc. I have gone and bought pants that fit now and that has definitely helped, and I've been through my wardrobe to identify things that fit and flatter, so some progress. Tomorrow when the shops open I am going to get new pyjamas, because that's now the thing that gets to me, I guess because I'm naked under them, and the weight loss is making me look weird naked... the distribution of the flab isn't even, so it's not very attractive.. add pyjamas that are literally hanging off me and it makes me feel horrid. So new pyjamas it is, ones that fit. I'm confident this will help. Secondly, it's my lack of confidence in my ability, I have a psychological issue to get through.. I don't fully understand it, but I expect to fail, I don't believe in myself, I'm my own worst enemy, and it's ME I have to fight and overcome. But it's ME this is all for, so I'm only damaging myself if I don't sort it. My rational self understands it, but it's the underlying me I have to deal with!

I got back into my exercise today, and even now, 3 or so hours later, my muscles are still warm and tingly so I know I did them good. I ran 2.5kms solid without stopping, in 20 mins. I'm quite pleased with that given the lack of exercise in the past few weeks. I didn't stop there though, I picked up the pace and then walked fast for another 40 mins, completing 5kms in under an hour. SO now I need to commit to doing it again tomorrow, because then I'll know I'm back on track.

I know I've probably disappointed a few of my supporters in the past couple of weeks, but it was a psychological block I needed to work through. I'm not sure I've conquered it, I'm not sure I fully understand it, but today I showed I haven't given up... and I am sorry if I've let anyone down... You've all been so good to me, I couldn't do this without you :)